First comes attraction. you are attracted to someone.. But, if you get, what you are attracted to, very easily, the charm goes away- it dies out very fast. however, if what you are attracted to, becomes just a little bit difficult to have, then you develop love for it. have you experienced this? have you observed this?
Now you fall in love! then what happens?
After a while, the soap opera begins!
It is because you love someone, that you give yourself.. and then you start making demands on that relationship. Now, when you start demanding, love diminishes. all the thrill, joy- everything- seems to be fading away. so then you say, "oh! i have made a mistake!" now there's struggle and pain to get out of it.. and after you've got out of it, you get into another relationship- one more relationship- and the same story repeats itself!
what is it that you want to know about relationships? is it really to see, how they can be long lasting. isn't it? what is the secret about relationships, everybody wants to know, how they can be made long-lasting, not how they can be cut off- that of,course, is no secret!! everybody knows about that- just push a button, or a few more buttons, very often! that's it! the relationship will be finished!
3 things are essential in any relationship- right perception, right observation and right expression. often people say that nobody understands them. instead of saying, " no one understands me.." you can say that you have not expressed yourself properly. if you speak Russian to a Spaniard, he will definitely not u'stand! to express yourself properly, you need proper or right perception. this perception can happen, when you see yourself, in the shoes of the other person- when you stand in his shoes and look at the situation.
observing your own mind is essential- this is the second important aspect. this observation within you- the observation of sensations, the observation of tendencies, the observation of the patterns we have- is also essential. perception of the other, and observation of the one's self.. and then comes - right expression, or expressing one's self in the right manner. every mistake you make, is not really a mistake- it's a learning process of the 3 vital aspects of life. what do you say? isn't this so?
perception needs to be expanded. dont just see someone's "outside". if someone is grumpy, or a little finicky, we hold him responsible for his behavior - but, if we see from a wide angle lens, the many aspects will come together. "okay, that person is finicky or fussy, or stressed out, for some reason... and that is reflecting in the relationship". so widening our lens of perception, and not just looking at someone and accusing them, for what they are doing, but rather accommodating them, and seeing things from a larger picture will help in relationships. THIS IS THE "FIRST SECRET".
The second thing is to give... this, of course, we all know! relationships mean giving...and at the same time make the others give also! suppose, you are doing all the service, all the help, and you don't give the person, something to do in return, you're taking there self-worth away from them. sometimes people say, "oh! see! i did so much, but that person still doesn't love me. why??"
this is because they feel uncomfortable. love is, when there is an exchange.. and that can happen, when you give them an opportunity to also do something for you. this needs a little skill. you know, we have to be skillful in making the other also contribute, without us demanding. the only way we know to get someone to do something for us is by demand! then, if your partner doesn't do something for you, love cannot last either because you will take on a self pitying role saying, "see, i do everything! I've been used." we say, " I'm being used." so, you also make use of them, if your love needs to grow! this thing- " I'm being used."- should be taken out of our consciousness. you should know that you are being useful- that's why you're used! if you're useless, how can somebody use you?! most relationship end up this way because we don't have the skill to make the other person contribute. don't you think so? isn't it so?
in a relationship, this is essential. you have to see that the other also contributes in your life, so that they don't feel completely like a worm - worthless - but that they also feel their self worth. for love to blossom, self worth is essential. this is the "SECOND IMPORTANT SECRET".
The third aspect of relationship is to give the other space. when you love someone, we're right " on his neck"! we don't give them any breathing space.. and they suffocate - and suffocation destroys love. you should give them space.. and you take your space. respect each other's space. take some time off.
for love to blossom, there needs to be longing.. and longing needs a little space.. though it is a lil painful, longing is inevitable. if there is no longing,if we destroy longing, if we don't allow longing to come into a relationship, then love doesn't grow. the charm is lost, so, give them space... and take some space yourself...this is the "THIRD IMPORTANT SECRET"
the fourth aspect is that a relationship should be treated as the dessert, not as the main course! if your life is aimed at some goal, if there is some goal in your life, move in that direction.. and the relationship will move along. if all our focus is just on the relationship, i tell, that is when it will not work... and it doesn't work! you can't have dessert for your main course. you cannot eat it like that. see, if we have a goal in our life, n if both of us have the same goal, we move along in that direction. then, that relationship lasts long. what do u say?
love is essential in relationships, not mere attraction. in attraction there's aggressiveness. in love, there is submission. this is the difference between love and attraction. though attraction does form the first step, we can't stand on the first step for too long. we have to move on to the next pedestal. that is love.
service is an essential ingredient for a successful relationship... and if the relationship comes from the space of giving, rather than need,again, it is a good, "quality" relationship. often we say, "oh! I'm so bored, that is why i need a relationship!" i ask, if you are bored with your own company , how much more boring are you for someone else?!
for a while we look interesting, but in few days, even weeks, though we wont express this to each other, we'll get bored with each other because there is no depth in us. get rid of the boredom from within you... and be centred- really centred- understand your own self, your own mind.. and calm down. don't be feverish. you know, you don't like to be with someone who is feverish. this feverishness repels you, unless you are so much full of compassion that nobody's feverishness matters anymore!! but specially in relationships, this reduces the charm
when we are in love with someone, we just go on talking, talking ... and talking! there's no need to pull so many words out of those mouths! you can just sit quietly with a smile, watch the sunset, or be with them. learn to be with the person, whom you love, in SILENCE.. this is the art by itself..
when you are in such deep love, you don't know what you are talking! then you go on saying things that you regret afterwards. sometimes, we don't know what we have said that may hurt the other person.when we're centered and when we let go of our feverishness, then we're not bored with ourselves- then our charm becomes long lasting. the nearer a person comes to us, the more the charm will be there. this is the secret of being centered with the self, deep within us.
mind is not a stagnant lake. it is a flowing river - a fast flowing river. when we float with the river, we are in the moment... live every moment like that! dont just brood over the past, or be anxious about the future..
one of the characteristics of love is eternity. when we are in love with someone, we want that moment to be eternal," we should be like this forever and ever!" love is immortal - meaning, beyond time... and that is what we aim at... and that is our nature, our source. just take some time off.. and go within your silence.. then we will see, so much of strength comes out of us, and from that your love becomes, UNCONDITIONAL...
we have heard of unconditional love so may times, but just words don't help. this has to come from our presence. we can lecture on love for hours together, but if its not radiating in our presence, nobody can make it out.. our presence gets drained... initially, when there was presence, there was attraction - but the moment, the presence dilutes, attraction dies out. we simply hang around, we are bored, but still dont want to say that we are bored, and hurt the other person... the other person is also thinking in the same way! so inside the mind there is a big gap, though outside, in your expression, you dont express it... .. you feel so bitter and yet you call and say, "hello honey!" we are saying honey on the outside, but inside, we feel bitter about it! these words do not carry the feeling.. and thats why relationships become such a mess, and break so often.
our love doesn't row old.. our love doesn't becomes ancient.... our love dies infant deaths. love relationships have the highest mortality rate in our society today. the only way to get over is to find time for ourselves... dont talk! all that talk doesn't gives us anything.. it doesn't convey much- it only creates confusion. of course, words are essential, but they have a limit...
just love yourself and the world would love you...!!!
Now you fall in love! then what happens?
After a while, the soap opera begins!
It is because you love someone, that you give yourself.. and then you start making demands on that relationship. Now, when you start demanding, love diminishes. all the thrill, joy- everything- seems to be fading away. so then you say, "oh! i have made a mistake!" now there's struggle and pain to get out of it.. and after you've got out of it, you get into another relationship- one more relationship- and the same story repeats itself!
what is it that you want to know about relationships? is it really to see, how they can be long lasting. isn't it? what is the secret about relationships, everybody wants to know, how they can be made long-lasting, not how they can be cut off- that of,course, is no secret!! everybody knows about that- just push a button, or a few more buttons, very often! that's it! the relationship will be finished!
3 things are essential in any relationship- right perception, right observation and right expression. often people say that nobody understands them. instead of saying, " no one understands me.." you can say that you have not expressed yourself properly. if you speak Russian to a Spaniard, he will definitely not u'stand! to express yourself properly, you need proper or right perception. this perception can happen, when you see yourself, in the shoes of the other person- when you stand in his shoes and look at the situation.
observing your own mind is essential- this is the second important aspect. this observation within you- the observation of sensations, the observation of tendencies, the observation of the patterns we have- is also essential. perception of the other, and observation of the one's self.. and then comes - right expression, or expressing one's self in the right manner. every mistake you make, is not really a mistake- it's a learning process of the 3 vital aspects of life. what do you say? isn't this so?
perception needs to be expanded. dont just see someone's "outside". if someone is grumpy, or a little finicky, we hold him responsible for his behavior - but, if we see from a wide angle lens, the many aspects will come together. "okay, that person is finicky or fussy, or stressed out, for some reason... and that is reflecting in the relationship". so widening our lens of perception, and not just looking at someone and accusing them, for what they are doing, but rather accommodating them, and seeing things from a larger picture will help in relationships. THIS IS THE "FIRST SECRET".
The second thing is to give... this, of course, we all know! relationships mean giving...and at the same time make the others give also! suppose, you are doing all the service, all the help, and you don't give the person, something to do in return, you're taking there self-worth away from them. sometimes people say, "oh! see! i did so much, but that person still doesn't love me. why??"
this is because they feel uncomfortable. love is, when there is an exchange.. and that can happen, when you give them an opportunity to also do something for you. this needs a little skill. you know, we have to be skillful in making the other also contribute, without us demanding. the only way we know to get someone to do something for us is by demand! then, if your partner doesn't do something for you, love cannot last either because you will take on a self pitying role saying, "see, i do everything! I've been used." we say, " I'm being used." so, you also make use of them, if your love needs to grow! this thing- " I'm being used."- should be taken out of our consciousness. you should know that you are being useful- that's why you're used! if you're useless, how can somebody use you?! most relationship end up this way because we don't have the skill to make the other person contribute. don't you think so? isn't it so?
in a relationship, this is essential. you have to see that the other also contributes in your life, so that they don't feel completely like a worm - worthless - but that they also feel their self worth. for love to blossom, self worth is essential. this is the "SECOND IMPORTANT SECRET".
The third aspect of relationship is to give the other space. when you love someone, we're right " on his neck"! we don't give them any breathing space.. and they suffocate - and suffocation destroys love. you should give them space.. and you take your space. respect each other's space. take some time off.
for love to blossom, there needs to be longing.. and longing needs a little space.. though it is a lil painful, longing is inevitable. if there is no longing,if we destroy longing, if we don't allow longing to come into a relationship, then love doesn't grow. the charm is lost, so, give them space... and take some space yourself...this is the "THIRD IMPORTANT SECRET"
the fourth aspect is that a relationship should be treated as the dessert, not as the main course! if your life is aimed at some goal, if there is some goal in your life, move in that direction.. and the relationship will move along. if all our focus is just on the relationship, i tell, that is when it will not work... and it doesn't work! you can't have dessert for your main course. you cannot eat it like that. see, if we have a goal in our life, n if both of us have the same goal, we move along in that direction. then, that relationship lasts long. what do u say?
love is essential in relationships, not mere attraction. in attraction there's aggressiveness. in love, there is submission. this is the difference between love and attraction. though attraction does form the first step, we can't stand on the first step for too long. we have to move on to the next pedestal. that is love.
service is an essential ingredient for a successful relationship... and if the relationship comes from the space of giving, rather than need,again, it is a good, "quality" relationship. often we say, "oh! I'm so bored, that is why i need a relationship!" i ask, if you are bored with your own company , how much more boring are you for someone else?!
for a while we look interesting, but in few days, even weeks, though we wont express this to each other, we'll get bored with each other because there is no depth in us. get rid of the boredom from within you... and be centred- really centred- understand your own self, your own mind.. and calm down. don't be feverish. you know, you don't like to be with someone who is feverish. this feverishness repels you, unless you are so much full of compassion that nobody's feverishness matters anymore!! but specially in relationships, this reduces the charm
when we are in love with someone, we just go on talking, talking ... and talking! there's no need to pull so many words out of those mouths! you can just sit quietly with a smile, watch the sunset, or be with them. learn to be with the person, whom you love, in SILENCE.. this is the art by itself..
when you are in such deep love, you don't know what you are talking! then you go on saying things that you regret afterwards. sometimes, we don't know what we have said that may hurt the other person.when we're centered and when we let go of our feverishness, then we're not bored with ourselves- then our charm becomes long lasting. the nearer a person comes to us, the more the charm will be there. this is the secret of being centered with the self, deep within us.
mind is not a stagnant lake. it is a flowing river - a fast flowing river. when we float with the river, we are in the moment... live every moment like that! dont just brood over the past, or be anxious about the future..
one of the characteristics of love is eternity. when we are in love with someone, we want that moment to be eternal," we should be like this forever and ever!" love is immortal - meaning, beyond time... and that is what we aim at... and that is our nature, our source. just take some time off.. and go within your silence.. then we will see, so much of strength comes out of us, and from that your love becomes, UNCONDITIONAL...
we have heard of unconditional love so may times, but just words don't help. this has to come from our presence. we can lecture on love for hours together, but if its not radiating in our presence, nobody can make it out.. our presence gets drained... initially, when there was presence, there was attraction - but the moment, the presence dilutes, attraction dies out. we simply hang around, we are bored, but still dont want to say that we are bored, and hurt the other person... the other person is also thinking in the same way! so inside the mind there is a big gap, though outside, in your expression, you dont express it... .. you feel so bitter and yet you call and say, "hello honey!" we are saying honey on the outside, but inside, we feel bitter about it! these words do not carry the feeling.. and thats why relationships become such a mess, and break so often.
our love doesn't row old.. our love doesn't becomes ancient.... our love dies infant deaths. love relationships have the highest mortality rate in our society today. the only way to get over is to find time for ourselves... dont talk! all that talk doesn't gives us anything.. it doesn't convey much- it only creates confusion. of course, words are essential, but they have a limit...
just love yourself and the world would love you...!!!
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